The Point of No Return: Why You Need to Take the Leap of Faith
Recently, I started to give my subconscious mind a task for the night, again. This technique has been used by many great thinkers and inventors. Although I cannot say that it always works, I have noticed that I sometimes get results even before falling asleep. After discontinuing antidepressants, I experienced some Jojo effect and dipped back into depressed states. It felt as if all the questions that I did not need to ask myself because the medication was numbing me, were now surfacing.
The most pressing question was that of purpose, passion, and vision for the future. Although I had not only articulated the idea of becoming a coach and speaker, but I had also proven to myself that I could do it and that I was not entirely bad at it, the inner monkey was still holding me back. It forced me to stick to what was known, safe, and comfortable. I kept working in the headhunting business in tech because, after all, it offered great money for little effort.
Anxiety has been one of the major challenges over the past few years, and I have learned to lean into it instead of running away from it. One night, I asked myself the question, “What am I most afraid of when it comes to choosing my kind of work?” My subconscious mind did not wait for weird dreams to give me a message. The image came up just before I drifted off to sleep, and it terrified me. I saw myself in a hospital bed with a tube in my mouth feeding me. The message was clear to me in that moment: “You can stay comfortable and chase money, and it will keep you alive. But it won’t let you truly live.”
Ultimately, this is what I experience with my coaching clients. We do visualizations and evoke emotions for certain scenarios, and the results have been nothing short of amazing. I have seen people turn their lives around in just three months — going from being unhappy and caught in businesses that made them miserable, to being super creative and following their passion, building TikTok channels with millions of views. From my experience, though, being a great coach is ten times harder when it comes to doing it for yourself. In that sense, my clients are always coaching me back. It’s never a one-sided play.
How do you muster the courage to make a bold decision and break free from the comfort of that feeding tube? How do you turn that desire into a firm commitment, rather than just a passing thought? As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, once you make a decision, the universe will align to help you achieve it. Making a decision means cutting off all other options and eliminating alternative paths. Robert Brault once said, “It’s not obstacles that keep us from reaching our goals, but the clear path to lesser ones.” It’s not the obstacles that hinder us from achieving our goals, but rather the easy paths to less significant objectives.
According to the Expectancy Theory of Motivation, having a clear path is essential in achieving our goals. Often, we choose the easiest and most straightforward path simply because it’s easy and clear, but when we have a significant goal, we may not have a clear path to reach it. In such cases, we tend to settle for easier paths that lead to lesser goals. To achieve our real aspirations, we need to eliminate all the lesser goals that lack genuine commitment and focus solely on what we truly desire. We need to cross the point of no return where we go past that point of decision where there’s no going back.
During my coaching sessions, I have observed a fundamental difference between those who aspire to become entrepreneurs and those who have already made it. The real entrepreneurs have all experienced a “point of no return,” a decisive moment that changed their course of action. Every entrepreneur I have coached confirmed having multiple such experiences, whereas the wannabe entrepreneurs never experienced it. Some of them expressed their desire to have such an experience someday in the future.
There are two ways to experience a “point of no return”: either by forcing yourself into that situation and burning all the boats, or by waiting until your entire being is screaming for change. Although I have had several such experiences, none of them appeared out of nowhere. I always waited for situations to become so emotionally taxing that I had no other choice but to stop doing the things that caused me emotional distress and instead pursue the things that made me feel more excited and expansive. Yet again, I find myself in a similar situation where I cannot return to my old ways. I must move forward and change my trajectory; otherwise, my soul will respond with depression.
Knowing how biased we are as human beings can work to your advantage. Although you may believe you are a rational thinker, the opposite is true 95% of the time. You are a creature of habit and emotion who can draw logical conclusions when necessary. The cost bias, for instance, can lead to poor investment decisions where you throw good money after bad, but it can also help you stay on track when you want to change the trajectory of your life. The saying “people who pay, pay attention” rings true. By putting your money where your mouth is, you demonstrate your commitment to your new path, and your mind will follow suit.
Once going back is no longer an option, especially mentally, you’re forced by your new situation to move forward. Making a financial investment gets you emotionally committed and taps into the principle of consistency. This makes you feel the need to make good on the investment, so you start putting effort towards it. The best investments are experiences, education, relationships, mentorships, training, coaching, and teachers. Research shows that spending money on material things leads to hedonic adaptation, where you quickly adapt to it, get bored, and want something else.
I talk to many people who are aware of the need for change, wanting to build a side hustle or receive training for a new skill. Some have decided to work for companies that meet their need for belonging and purpose, while others remain in old corporate structures that undervalue trust and appreciation. Although they all desire change, many will postpone it longer than necessary. I don’t blame them; I understand how challenging it can be.
So what’s the gist of it all? Obviously there are many ways of changing your identity, and apart from investing the money to become the new you, you have to first commit to it and align your habits and rituals accordingly. Dan Sullivan, the founder of Strategic Coach, describes 4 steps in his 4 C method.
The first step is to “commit” to the new identity. This means making a clear decision to change and setting a goal for who you want to become. The second step is to “connect” with your new identity. This involves visualizing yourself as the person you want to be and connecting emotionally with this vision. The third step is to “create” new habits and behaviors that align with your new identity. The final step is to “contribute” to others as your new identity. This involves sharing your knowledge and experience with others who are on a similar journey. By contributing to others, you reinforce your new identity and become more confident in your new role.
Overall, the 4 C method is a powerful tool for changing your identity and becoming the person you want to be. By committing to your new identity, connecting emotionally with your vision, creating new habits and behaviors, and contributing to others, you can make lasting changes that will transform your life. Don’t wait to take action. Invest in yourself by buying an online course, a book, or hiring a coach. Life doesn’t wait for anyone.
