Rescue Yourself First
Why Prioritizing Your Own Well-being is Key to Changing the World
As a coach, I am often confronted with the issue of clients saying “I don’t know what I want”. I believe that the over-consumption of self-help gurus and motivational coaches has overwhelmed most people. I myself fell into this trap, feeling the need to achieve something big and extraordinary to feel good about myself. The problems of the world seem to grow bigger by the minute, and I wanted to be a part of creating positive change.
At some point, I became so overwhelmed with my own healing process and my irrationally high expectations for myself that I ended up doing nothing. If we want to change the world, we must start by rescuing ourselves. Your light can only shine on others if you work on your own shadow and prioritize your own happiness and well-being. This may sound egotistical, but it is not if you consider that you can only pour from a full cup.
For many people, a high degree of idealism or a “helper syndrome” stems from the “good child” complex. As children, we internalize the belief that in order to be loved, we must behave in a certain way. The result is a constant feeling of stress, as we worry that our behavior might be seen as “bad” or “inadequate.” We consistently seek others’ approval in exchange for being loved or externally validated.
In this mode, your worth is defined by how well you play your role. You consistently feel an overall sense of emptiness, often wondering who you are and what you truly want from life, since you have spent so much time living up to the expectations of others.
I am a huge fan of journaling and regularly reviewing my goals and values on a quarterly basis. While I use an OKR (Objectives and Key Results) format, you can simplify the process to avoid feeling overwhelmed by its complexity. In my opinion, the most crucial part is being completely honest about your values and ensuring that your actions are aligned with them.
Dr. Daniel Amen’s “one page miracle” can be a powerful tool to help you find clarity and define what you truly want in life. The “one page miracle” is a single page that summarizes your life’s purpose, values, goals, and daily actions.
To start, ask yourself what your ultimate goal in life is. What is the legacy you want to leave behind? Write it down in one sentence at the top of the page. Next, list your top three values. What is most important to you? These values should guide your decisions and actions.
Then, write down your long-term goals, including both personal and professional aspirations. These goals should align with your life’s purpose and values. Break down each goal into smaller, achievable steps, and assign deadlines to hold yourself accountable.
Finally, list your daily actions. What are the small steps you can take every day to work towards your goals? This can include things like exercising, reading, networking, or practicing mindfulness.
The “one page miracle” serves as a roadmap to help you clarify your vision and take actionable steps towards achieving your goals. It can also help to identify any areas where there may be a disconnect between your actions and values. By regularly reviewing and updating your “one page miracle,” you can stay focused and motivated on your path towards a fulfilling life.
If that still feels like too much, choose one area you want to improve and define a daily ritual that will help you get there. Devoting just 20 minutes each day to this task will gradually set you apart from the 95% of people who don’t take consistent action towards their goals. For instance, I need to enhance the cash flow in my business, which involves reaching out to potential customers — a task I find unpleasant. However, if I commit to doing it for just 20 minutes every day, it will gradually help me overcome my stagnation.
What is the one thing you know you should be doing, but aren’t? Start with one minute right now. Do one push-up or skip one snack today — whatever it takes to get started.
